There are some days that you always take notice of every year it comes around. For some this is their birthday, for others it is a holiday, or others still, it is an anniversary. For some these days mean happiness and celebration, for a number there are mixed emotions and yet others who dread these days.
November 4th is a day that I notice. I know that last year there was 2 feet of snow on the ground and this year it was sunny and then rainy with no snow on the ground. Two years ago it was blustery and stormy and rainy with no snow on the ground. Three years ago it was snowy and windy and icy, and the first day of snow for that year.
Why do I notice the weather on such a non-descript day? Why is it important to me? November 4th was a day that was filled with hope and excitement at the start, and ended in a heart-crushing shock and disappointment for my family and me. A birth that brought about no life. My son, who would be three today, never opened his eyes to greet his mom or dad or older brother.
Today, this November 4th, I opened my eyes to a heavy, pre-dawn gloom. Clouds shrouded the sky, wrapping my little piece of the world in inky darkness.
Later the sun broke over the disappearing clouds, slanting beautiful, ethereal light over the fallow fields as I drove by.
Later yet, the sun beamed in a clear blue sky. No wind stirred the dry grasses or rattled the empty branches. Birds chirped and twittered. The sun warmed my back as I walked along. The water in the slough was glassy calm and the fluffy cattails didn’t stir and inch.
Then on the far western horizon the dark clouds loomed and soon the wind whistled through the pine and sent any leaf not nailed down tumbling. Rain beat against the windshield as I drove, and blurred the world outside, scouring the dry earth clean again.
And darkness fell again like a long, deep sigh.
Today, there was heaviness and sorrow, there was laughter and blessing, there was crying and letting go again and sighing – sighing in longing, sighing in acceptance and sighing in peace.
It was a good day this November 4th. A good day for a birthday. A good day for a little bit of everything.